Baby Steps to Being Vulnerable

Has anyone ever noticed how hard it is to be vulnerable? Or is it just me?

I mean, even in my relationship with God (who knows all things), I feel like I cannot be vulnerable. With myself I can't be vulnerable sometimes. Why is that? Why do we, as humans, search for perfection? NO ONE is perfect; so why do we try to be? Before I go any further, I must state that there is a difference in striving for one's best and trying to be perfect. I understand this concept, yet I still struggle.

Lately, God has been asking me to become more vulnerable, open to not only HIM, but to others. My response? I don't think I can do that.... I'm just a scared little girl with a front of everything is just fine. He then put His warmth around me and I realized that I could with His help.

I happened to be visiting a couple of good friends that week....... The test came. I sat at Starbucks with them discussing what is to come, how their summer was going, what they were excited about, etc... (Dun, dun, dun...) then time came where I knew that God was nudging me forward. I could talk about something with them or just continue to push it aside (like always).

I started to open my mouth to speak, I couldn't. Words weren't spilling out in a fashion like way. I was stuttering, replacing words, not really making sense. In my head I was thinking this is why I can't tell them, I can't even say it out loud!!! I took a deep breath. I was ready to give in like always and go back to my old ways, keep to myself. It'll change one day, right? NO. While all of this was taking place in my head, my two friends patiently waited with looks of comfort. I could do this. I have God and these two friends. I finally came out with what I had to say. What I needed help with. I became vulnerable.

I expected them to shun me. I expected them to want to leave Starbucks.

They didn't.

Instead, they jumped like two cats on a laser point. They were excited. They became a support system that I needed (even when I thought that I could do it myself). Everything changed. I was able to be vulnerable with them about the subject and then a few dreams I had the next day. I was excited!!

When driving home, I thought, "Okay! I was vulnerable, God!! I can move on to something new." Only to find out I was nowhere near done being vulnerable. That was just the first step.