Are You "Sorry"

I really do not know what to write; I only know that I am supposed to write. I used to live and breathe writing and reading, but lately I seem only to push it aside (which is not my character). I mean, I still haven't made it past chapter 2 in the book, Mocking Jay. *Disclaimer: may ruin part of the book* Don't get me wrong, I'm DYING to know what happens to Peeta. And, I read on pinterest today that Finnick AND Prim die in the book!! My gracious that cannot happen! Yet, I still have picked up the book to see (or read) for myself (again, out of my character).
I am also a nerd. I typically find researching topics, news, politics, etc. incredibly fascinating; however, I just do not want to do any research lately (repetition: not my character).
Wow, I just read what I wrote, and realized I am completely rambling and going on tangents. I apologize.

OH! "I apologize". This brings me to a entirely different topic than the previous paragraph. If any of you knew me, you would know that I generally would say, "I'm sorry" to anyone for anything. I even caught myself saying, "I'm sorry" after I laughed....EVERY time (even when people told a joke TO make me laugh). This became habit and a lifestyle.
One day after I had told my dad that I did not wrap the veggies  properly, I promptly said, "I'm sorry."
My father looked at me with the most concerned face ever and said, "Why are you sorry?"
I replied, "I didn't wrap the vegetables to be put on the grill correctly, and I am sorry for that."
He then asked me to think about what I had said.......
I thought.......
I thought some more....
I broke the silence, "I don't understand what you're trying to point out here."
He then asks me the perplexing question, "Have you ever heard someone say that 'You're a sorry individual'?"
I replied the obvious, "Yes, why?"
My frustrated father said, "What does the person saying that MEAN when they're speaking that statement to someone?"
"Well, generally, it is in a demeaning way. They're saying that certain person is not capable of a work habit, subject, or, in some cases, life. Basically, they are no good."
"So, when you say, 'I'm sorry', you're speaking what you just said to yourself."
Hmmm...WOW! "I've never thought about it that way... Well, if I do something wrong or drop something, what should I say?"
"I apologize."
"Well, that makes perfect sense! Because I AM apologizing, but I'm not tearing myself down publically!!"
"You got it, dude!"

I did not realize that saying, "I'm sorry" was tearing myself down mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Since this conversation, I have started saying, "I apologize" instead of the other, and I have noticed a change in myself and my demeanor. I was selling myself short, and tearing myself down before anyone else could. This is not the way that God intended me or YOU to walk. He created me and YOU to walk confidently in HIM: Psalm 139:14, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." We are one of His works. We are beautiful individuals with a passion and not "sorry" individuals.

-Holly